Fishers of Men in Peru

I'm back! Taking a few minutes to write as the Lord inspires.

Any student of the bible will easily realize the relation of a christian marriage and our relationship with the Lord. I recently spoke on the 4 stages of marriage in our church after the Lord showed me some surprising things about marriage and how it relates to HIM.As Christians, as a church, we are very literally married to Jesus. We know there will be a future wedding feast, and that "the spirit and the bride (the church) say come". We are all looking forward to that day! A marriage made in heaven!

God showed me that all too often we don't understand marriage and that our motives for marrying are wrong! Especially with ministers or those who dream of ministry and feel a call on their lives. Gasp! Choke! What!? Let me explain...

1. Falling in Love: This is the stage that begins with much emotion, excitement and attraction. ends with the "I do", an acceptance of the beloved as the only one in your heart and life. A complete dedication of one's self. The dream of so many.

How like us when we first hear of Christ. We may "see" him from afar, and we are drawn by His beauty, captivated by his gaze, enamored by his kindness, and desiring his tender caress. We tie the knot, so to speak, accepting him into our hearts. We are "married". Do we know what we are getting ourselves into? We promise and swear to Him our fidelity...He is the only one.

2. The honeymoon stage: A time of ecstasy, intense emotion, passion...all is new and marvelous. It's like a dream. How could we have missed all this? It's what we've been waiting for...for so long:) We've had a personal close encounter with our beloved, our heart has been opened...we've seen each other "naked" without any shame. There are many men who get married solely for this reason. It's a short-lived happiness!

Even so, when we give ourselves to Christ, the first few months, or perhaps the first year, is a time marked by a passionate pursuit, an entwining romance, a cloud-walking spiritual high. The word is so fresh and precious...our times of intimacy so sweet. But just like a natural marriage, we soon learn that we can not spend all our time in the bed (intimacy/worship). A real marriage needs open, honest communication, dedication, and above all service one to another.

3. The reality: Whoa, not as easy as I thought it would be! I'm seeing aspects of my partner that I missed before. They are more demanding of me, and this relationship demands that I change. I can't do what I always want to do! I'm learning new things about my partner and about me too! I'm not as mature as I thought, but ironically this relationship is making me mature. Of course, that depends on whether or not I give my part. While this stage may be a lot more frustrating, it's also the more rewarding. We are beginning to think alike, talk alike, act alike. They might think something, and I say it...I think it and she does it...any of you that have been married for a while have experienced that. Of course, our marriage is being tested...we come under all kinds of pressure from without. We are under attack daily. But if we both do our part, nothing can separate us. We're together in the good and the bad. For richer or for poorer...

Our ministry and calling is beginning to unfold as we pursue our dreams and calling. Still we long for those times of intimacy, now far and perhaps fewer, but as our communication has improved so too has our times of closeness. Children come from our times of intimacy, but they need to be raised in an atmosphere of communication, respect and comprehension. We have a life and ministry together. This is what we have always desired.

How many young men and women called of God separate themselves and look past the initial honeymoon stage, gazing into the future and seeing their calling unfold with their spouse by their side. They are mature enough to know that they can't stay in the bed forever and that a real relationship is hard work. But they desire their "help meet" for the call of God that is on their lives. So when they meet a young man or woman, they look past the physical, into the heart, above all looking for those traits of character that will enable the other to walk with them in the way of the Lord. The Lord showed me that this is not the correct motive to marry someone.

As Christians, in the 3rd stage of our relationship (marriage) with Christ, we come to a realizing that it's not as easy as we thought it would be. We must endure the temptations of others who would take us from our beloved. We are faced with pressure on all sides. Our character is being formed...we move from the times of intimacy to practical service. We learn His likes and dislikes. We learn to submit. We don't always get our way. At times our husband says "no!". But at the same time, we are excited because we begin to fulfill our dreams and visions...These dreams and visions are the spiritual "children" that we conceive in our times of intimacy with our Lord. But for these "children" to grow and mature, we must maintain communication and communion with Him. However, we don't love God only to serve Him and raise his "kids". Kids grow up...visions are fulfilled..."whether there are prophecies, they will fail, whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away."

4. The Golden years: The honeymoon is a faded memory. The kids have grown up and moved away. Thankfully we did not build our marriage upon them. How many couples find themselves literal strangers under the same roof after the kids have come and gone? The woman you married, who before had a coke bottle figure, now has the figure of a coke CAN! The man you married, well, he's changed too, at least outwardly. You both bear the scars and wear the victories of the years. But since you have patiently and lovingly waited upon each other and established open communication, this is the best phase of your life together. You merely enjoy "being" with one another, not for any special plight or cause or calling. Just being together.

The apostle Paul had passed all of these stages in his walk with the Lord. At the end of his life, he was in the 4th and final stage. He had nothing. He realized he was nothing. And his only desire was to "know Him" (Philippians 3:10). He had a legacy of what he and the Lord had done together, and he longed for the rest of eternity with his Lord, to only bask in His presence and just "be" with Him. That, my dear ones, is the reason for marrying someone. Not to have a life of dedication and service and ministry together. All that has its end someday. Perhaps many pastors could have salvaged their marriage had they not built it around ministry. When ministry is gone, you have the person. And that is far more valuable than any ministry, no matter how great or large it is.

So as you are looking for that special someone, I challenge you to forget about making that person fit your requirements for ministry. Don't ask if that person can carry your vision, or if they have what it takes to run with you and complete the "vision". Don't even look for the perfect "fit" for your vision. I've done that in the past: "Well, I'm called to missions and all she wants to do is teach Sunday school". Rather, ask yourself "If I didn't have any of that, no calling, no vision, no church, would it matter if all I had was her/him?" Because the bottom line is that in the end, aside from the Lord, all you will have is that one special person.

After the Lord showed me this, I've acquired a lot more appreciation for my wife. Just being with her is enough. Just being with the Lord is more than enough. Bless you!Pastor Adam